So tomorrow is the day for my HSG. Obviously kind of nervous about it, since the results have a pretty HUGE impact on my life. Best scenario: things look fine/normal (or, as normal as they can be for me) and we proceed with trying to get pregnant. Worst scenario: there's been more damage to my uterus from the c-section delivery of Zen and the 2 miscarriages since then, and the doc thinks the risks of trying to conceive/carry full-term are too high and advises us not to bother. Yeah...that's a lot.
Then, no matter which hand we get dealt, there will be the aftermath of questions/decisions to make......
If we can try to get pregnant, do we try on our own or will he recommend we have a fertility treatment so we can increase the chances first time and not mess around trying on our own? Then when we do get pregnant, the question will be which doctor we see? I know I want a perinatolgist, so the decision is whether we go north and see someone in NOVA/DC, or south and see someone in Richmond. Right now I'll lean towards North since that will make it easier for Mike to be there - either way I'm driving at least an hour and will need someone to watch Zen, so for me there is no real difference as long as the doctors are good. Also, going North will allow me to use the Hematologist I had before since he's up in Fairfax...but he kinda irritated me before with the refusal to give me the blood thinners I need until I see an OB when he told us before he would give them no questions asked. So we may be shopping for a new one of those as well...oh joy. And of couse we may still need a regular OB/Gyn, and since Mike isn't too happy with my current one, we may be shopping yet again for another one of those. Woo-hoo.
If we can't/shouldn't get pregnant again, the question becomes what do we do? Adopt? Surrogacy? Stop while we're ahead and be happy with just 1 child? The problem with the first two is $$$ - both options can be rediculously expensive. But I'll admit I know little about either one, so I probably shouldn't be turning them down or saying good/bad about them until I know more. The one thing I am sure of is that going down that road will be hard at first. Hearing that my dream of having more children, or knowing that my experience with Zen will be my ONLY experience in having a baby will be a tough one to adjust to.
Anyway. Today will be a good day...spending time with Mike and Zen...maybe going to buy a fish! I'm going to try and talk Mike into going to BodyFlow with me this afternoon, and then dinner with Alicia and Patrick. A great way to end the weekend!